


embers

by thewordweaver



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Mild Language, at least I planned on it lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewordweaver/pseuds/thewordweaver
Summary: Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?





	

**Author's Note:**

> hiya hello just reposting things that I had deleted from my old old very old asianfanfics account lmao  
> I am very much not really in the kpop scene anymore so these are just here for the sake of being here
> 
> I really actually loved writing this two-shot but I never got around to finishing the second half so idk if I'll actually complete this or not bc I actually like the story I told??? this is a rarity for me so hm  
> as I said before I'm... really not into kpop anymore but this story was some good shit
> 
> ironically this story never had a title bc the two-shot were just called "mistakes" and "regrets" bc it was part of a one-shot collection Li {everything goes back to her doesn't it...} and I had been doing on aff.com so
> 
> the story title was made up literally on the spot lol
> 
> date originally posted on aff.com: early 2013  
> {all subsequent notes are from then as well including after these brackets}
> 
> yes I am aware that Baek doesn't have a sister but this is for the sake of fanfiction, leave me alone

_ (hospital stay) _

“Move her to the ICU, and stat! We’ve got to do this quickly or we’ll lose her!”

Chanyeol stood by while the ER of the hospital was in a frenzy, pushing the hospital bed through the halls to the elevator while attaching every kind of needle and patch one could possibly imagine to the charred body on the sheets. He watched the heart monitor in particular rather closely, despair in his heart and on his face as the peaks and valleys shrank.

Both he and the girl took a deep breath of fresh air once they had attached a breathing mask to her face and the readings lent themselves to a little more hope.

“I’m sorry, sir, but this is as far as you can go; please wait in the waiting room for us to call you,” a nurse explained quickly now that the staff had reached the elevator. As the doors closed, he could still hear the doctor bark orders, unintentionally leaving him with an idea of just how abrupt her life might come to an end tonight.

“Her heart rate is dropping again! Ready the defibrillators!”

Though it was suggested that he sat while he waited in the waiting room {of which the receptionist advised repeatedly to no avail}, he constantly paced back and forth in his anxiety, wearing away a canal into the floor. But as soon as Baekhyun burst through the double doors, it was all he could do to fall into a chair, lest his legs gave out and had him collapse from the guilt.

“I ran here as fast as I could once I got the call. How long has it been since she was admitted?”

“Half an hour.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“She… she may not make it.” His voice cracked and he could feel the tears prick his eyes, but he quickly cleared his throat and blinked his eyes rapidly to hide all signs of grief from his best friend.

After all, he did not have the right to mourn her.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, chose that exact moment to fall apart. He leaned forward in the chair, propping his elbows up on his knees, shielding his face with his hand as his choked sobs filled the room. Chanyeol tried at his lower lip, awkwardly rubbing his best friend’s back as soothingly as he could manage.

One could only comfort the victim’s brother so much when they knew who the person causing both parties such suffering was.

“How am I gonna tell our parents?” the older boy cracked as he sat up, staring at the wall across from them; his eyes appeared to stare past it, a far-off look in his eyes. “What if the call that  _ they _  get is from the morgue with the coroner asking them to identify her body?” The tears continued to flow down his cheeks as he made no effort to wipe them away.

His words caused Chanyeol’s hand to slow to a stop on his back as he considered that possibility… the one that could soon become a reality.

“She’ll make it through, Baek,” he replied, offering empty words of comfort, as he himself could not be so sure of such a statement. “She has to; she’s always been a fighter, despite her modesty.”

Baekhyun could only offer a harsh bark of a laugh in return, his faith in his sister’s vital signs dropping by the second, mimicking the way her heart rate was beating on the LCD monitor rooms away. “Even then… how do you know? What if she doesn’t? How am I supposed to face a doctor who’ll tell me that she’s dead, as if he’s reading groceries off of a fucking list? Her death will mean nothing to them, Chan; they won’t give a shit about her passing—”

“I think it’s best if you just go home for now.” His best friend’s less-than-optimistic mood was doing nothing for his guilt-ridden mind. Misery might have needed company, but being in each other’s presence was detrimental to both; their emotional states were whittling away by the second, Chanyeol’s unintentionally offending comment doing nothing to alleviate the situation.

“Go home?  _ Go home? _  I can’t just ‘ _ go home _ ,’ Chanyeol! I don’t even  _ have _  a fucking home anymore! What the fuck am I supposed to tell my parents!? How do you expect me to break the news to them!?” When Baekhyun’s voice rose, the other glanced around the waiting room, noticing the concerned stares of the other visitors and the disapproving glare they received from the receptionist.

“Let’s… let’s step outside for a moment…” He rose to his feet, having to coax his riled friend out of the chair before they both left the waiting room. Once outside of the double doors, they stood facing each other, the shorter one’s stare of pure rage making the taller one feel a meter shorter.

“Look, I know that your parents will be more than devastated to hear about this, but I think it’s better if you’re the one to break it to them.” When the other boy began to protest, he put his hand up to stop him. “Why hear it from some emotionless dispatcher when they could hear it from their own son? And they’ll need your support to get through this just as much as you’ll need theirs.” He then placed both palms on the other’s shoulders. “So go find them, cry together, and get some rest, okay? I’ll stay here and call you when she’s awake, yeah?” Chanyeol offered a diminished version of his famous smile, his right eye twitching a bit and his nose crinkling slightly.

Thankfully for him, it was just enough to get Baekhyun to smile just a little through his tears, meaning that the forced smile did not have to last for too long. “Alright… okay,” he murmured softly as he patted the hands on his shoulders, taking a deep breath as the hands slid off. “Thanks, Chan.”

“Don’t thank me.” The words of appreciation given to him left a bitter taste in his mouth. “Now go. And remember, everything will turn out fine. I promise.”

He nodded a few times, turning around and heading to the staircase door down the hall. Opening the door, Baekhyun looked down the hall, seeing that Chanyeol was still there. After a nod of acknowledgement, which was then returned, the Byun disappeared with the click of a shutting door.

And with Baekhyun’s departure, Chanyeol was left to revel in his shame alone, confiding with just as much as his best friend in the hope that the girl would survive.

* * *

“Park Chanyeol?”

The nurse’s voice that called his name woke him up instantly, startling his heart so much that he practically leapt out of his chair. Composing himself, he cleared his throat and straightened out his clothes, approaching her. “Y-yes?”

“Follow me.”

She led him down a number of turns, a sign in one of the halls they walked down telling him that they were in the ICU.

The Intensive Care Unit.

They reached a white door decorated lightly with colorful paper flowers along the window of the frame, a plastic holder filled with medical details inside, adjacent to the frame.

Last name Byun. Female. Nineteen years old. Suffering from second- and third-degree burns in all quadrants of the body.

The nurse peeked through the window before opening the door, standing by it as Chanyeol walked into the room. “She’ll be waking up shortly. She’ll be tired from the anesthetics, so don’t expect to talk to her for too long.” He nodded and the nurse departed with a simple, respectful bow, shutting the door.

He continued standing by the door, the sight before him slow to sink in, causing tears to prick his eyes. Though half of her body was covered by the blanket, he could tell that most, if not all of her body was wrapped in bandages. The hair that he had once recalled flowing down to the middle of her back was now sheared down to a more boyish cut, the strands shorter than his own. While the scene was difficult to see, what truly pierced his heart with regret were the bandages that rested over her eyes, her morbidly pale skin scarred grotesquely along her cheekbones and browline.

Finally pulled out of his stupor when she began to stir, he scrambled around for a chair, carrying it to the edge of her bed. Seating himself in it, he took the left hand beside him in between his, rubbing the back of the uncovered skin in clockwise circles.

He wished that some way, somehow, he could apologise to her in a way behind his touches, his delicate strokes pleading for her forgiveness.

She shuffled around on the bed a bit more before groaning, a telltale sign that she was now awake. Feeling the gentle touches on her left hand, she turned her head in that direction, her head tilting slightly in question. “… Baek?” she murmured, her voice scratchy from the smoke that had once filled her lungs.

He shook his head, despite knowing she would not be able to see it. “No… Chanyeol.”

“O-oh! Chanyeol-sshi! U-uhm… where’s my brother?”

“On his way here.” Which was not a  _ complete _  lie; now that he had gotten a reminder, he would call the rest of the Byun family over soon enough.

“Oh… okay…” Now that her surprise had worn off, she realized she still could not see, though she had long opened her eyes. Hesitantly, she pulled her hand away from the ones that held hers, lifting her fingers to brush against the cotton material. Before she could ask, he said, “You were caught in a fire. I was in the area and I heard the screams coming from your house, so I found you and I got you out of there before you were lost to the flames.”

“So my house is…”

“… Completely…,” he took a deep breath, “completely incinerated,” he sighed out, running a hand through a thick head of hair.

“I see…” She turned her head away from him, as if she were actually staring out of the closed window just a few metres away. “Well, I’m still alive, and that’s all that matters. I suppose I should thank you then, right?”

“Don’t. Please.”

Though her eyebrows had been seared off, he could still see her brow knit in confusion when she “looked” his way again. “But you saved my life! Why wouldn’t a ‘thank you’ be in order?”

‘ _ Because I was the reason you almost lost it. _ ’ “Just… just don’t.” She nodded to signal her compliance with his request, quick to agree because of the anesthesia coursing through her veins, but a part of her wanted to understand why he would ask such a thing of her. “Well, I can at least thank you for being here when I… woke up… right?” As she was starting to feel the pain of burned receptors, a sudden wave of numbness consumed her, making her dizzy and causing the room to spin. “Punch my bro… ther… for not… doing his  _ job _ …!” She yawned, unable to fight the vicodin that had been administered through the IV drip.

Chanyeol could not keep himself from chortling, deciding not to reveal to her that he had told her brother not to be here in the first place. He watched her fall asleep, waiting until he had heard her light snoring to place his hand on top of her head, sliding it down and softly stroking the right side of her face.

“I’m sorry. And no amount of apologising would ever make up for what I’ve done.”

* * *

He stood just outside of the door, arms folded as he leans against the doorframe, his eyes concentrated on segmented linoleum. The rest of the Byun family had decided to visit for the fifth day in a row this week, and being in the same room together with them always made him feel like a liar. A crook. A villain.

A criminal.

The only thing that decorated her room at the moment were cards upon cards reading “Get well soon!” mocking the girl who currently could not see a thing. He had to be the one to read the messages they contained once her visitors left, mocking the boy who attempted to redeem himself in any way possible. And when he was forced to stay home for a day by the nurses, the flowers the he had to keep for her only served to drive the point home.

That this was all happening because of him. That he ruined the Byun Family’s life. That the daughter of the family was stuck in a hospital, unable to do much of anything for herself at the moment.

He preoccupied himself with his phone, glancing up from the mobile game he was playing when he heard goodbyes and the sound of shuffling feet approaching the open door. With a practiced smile, he nodded in acknowledgement to each Byun that stepped out of the room.

“Take care of her, yeah?”

He nodded again; the smile he received from his best friend made him sick to his stomach.

Before stepping into the room, he rapped a knuckle against the open door, causing her head to lift slightly and turn in his direction. “Chanyeol-sshi?”

“You can drop the formalities, you know,” he replied, leaning against the doorframe. With a slight blush, she nodded, turning away from him now. “O-Okay. Uhm, don’t you want to go home? You’ve already been here for three weeks and you’ve only gone home twice. I would think that there are more important matters to take care of…”

He shrugged off the door then, walking until he was right beside her, patting her hand before stroking the back of it in that apologetic way. “It’s only the fall term and I decided to take this semester off anyway.” It was a blatant lie, but she did not need to know. “Besides, it’d get pretty lonely in here, wouldn’t it? Being surrounded by just a bunch of cards you can’t even read right now.”

He internally berated himself when he saw her flinch ever so slightly, forcing a smile even for his offensive statement. “… Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s true anyway, you know?” She chuckled drily, a tinge of bitterness laced in as well. “Well, as long as you aren’t busy… I’d feel really guilty if you were just staying with me out of pity when you probably have better things to do…”

If Chanyeol had not felt like shit before, he certainly did now.

“If you ever feel the need to leave for any reason at all, I won’t mind. Don’t ever feel obliged to stay with me, okay? I’ll understand.” She glanced his way again, offering a warm, comforting smile.

He did not deserve this. He did not deserve any of it. Everything was a complete lie and if she knew the truth, she would not be so accepting of his presence.

His entire stay with her was a façade.

Frowning, he grabbed the nearest chair and plopped himself down in it, thinking, contemplating.

How was he going to be able to tell her about what truly happened that night?

* * *

“Good morning! Are you ready for your first day of physical therapy?”

Chanyeol woke up with a groan to a far too eager voice, certainly in no mood for any chipper behaviour after being woken up so rudely. As he was rubbing the sleep off of his face, he unconsciously noted the hand that fell off of his head as he sat up, as well as a bit of red tinting on her face as she glanced away.

“Physical therapy?” a gruff voice asked, clearly still full of fatigue.

“Yes! I was told that she has been bedridden for over a month now because her body needed time to heal, and that her tendons and ligaments have repaired enough that they, as well as her muscles, need exercise from lack of usage; I got the okay that it was time for her to get up and move around now. Her right side will be weaker for obvious reasons.” Both the nurse and the attendant glanced at the right side of her body, the two knowing that that was the part of her body that suffered from third-degree burns. Sensing the eyes on her, the patient shifted uncomfortably for a moment on the mattress.

“… But miss, I can’t exactly  _ see _  right now…”

The PT nurse waved off her comment. “That’s alright. I’ll just hold your hand. Or this boy here can; you’ll have to help me support her weight, especially the right side.” He nodded as he stood up from the chair and stretched, noting the way color flourished on her cheeks for a brief moment once again.

“Okay, let’s start with you sitting up without the support of the bed and standing up, hm? I want you to swing your legs over the edge of the bed and face us.”

Though the hairs of her eyebrows had just started to grow back, the creasing of her brow was still very much noticeable. “U-uh… I don’t know if I can’… it usually hurts a lot just shifting onto my sides to lie down…”

“That’s part of the process, honey. You’re never going to leave this hospital until we can rest assured that your motor skills are not too damaged.”

The horrifying thought of staying in the hospital for the rest of her life was something she often had nightmares about; the nurse’s words were all she needed to lift herself up and swing her legs over.

And she immediately regretted the decision.

The sensation of her skin and muscles being pulled caused her to shriek in pain; Chanyeol flinched and reached out towards her; the PT nurse did not even bat an eyelash, slapping his hand away. “I don’t want to do this anymore. Help me move back!  _ Please! _ ” she cried, her hands clutching the edge of the bed tightly, arms trembling.

Just as he was about to reach for her again, the PT nurse gripped his wrist, holding him back. “No. You want to leave this hospital, right? Then you have to endure this. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s the only way.”

Tears were welling in her eyes, spilling over once she finally managed to place her feet on the ground; though they could not see how damp her bandages were becoming from the tears, they could hear her sniffling, now aware of the fact that she was crying. “It hurts,” she whined softly; the pain was akin to the way her had felt when she was being consumed by the flames that fateful day. “Please… just let me sit back down…”

The nurse sighed, always finding this to be the most difficult part of the job. She felt empathy for her patients, truly, and she was more than aware of just how much it hurt, but, “You have to prevail, my dear. Here, just take two steps forward. Just do that and I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day. Really.”

The patient sighed exasperatedly, tentatively letting go of the bed to stand on her own. As she began to take a step forward, her right leg gave out the moment she shifted her weight onto it, causing her to crumple to the ground. Almost immediately, Chanyeol ripped his wrist out of the nurse’s grasp, gathering the girl up from the floor and into his arms. “I told you I’d need you to support her weight.” The PT nurse knelt down next to the pair, frowning slightly and brushing off the glower of disdain she received from the boy. “He’ll help you take your two steps and then I’ll let him carry you back onto your bed, okay?”

The girl sighed heavily once again, nodding. “Help me up,” she murmured to him, clutching his shirt as he stood up slowly, getting them both to their feet. She clenched her jaw for a moment, taking a deep breath before sliding one hand up his chest and to his right, her hand skimming along his skin until she found his wrist; though he was blushing at this point, he grabbed hold of her wrist in return, supporting her. “Okay, here goes nothing…” she mumbled feebly, afraid of getting the same results. As she began taking a step forward, she transferred her weight so that he received the brunt of it. Though it only took a mere thirty seconds for her to take those two steps, it felt like it took days of excruciating pain for her to accomplish the goal.

The moment her foot managed to brush the floor, Chanyeol broke their holds on each other, placing one hand on her back and using the other to scoop up her legs, swiftly but gently depositing her onto the bed. The PT nurse chortled at the action, making no move to protest it. “Alright, there you go. You made your two steps. Now rest up for tomorrow because we’re going to try for four.”

“She’s trying to kill me,” the girl mumbled once the nurse dismissed herself from the room. “I can almost  _ feel _  the grafts tearing and the stitches splitting open.” He frowned at her words, brow knitting with concern. “I hope not… I don’t think the doctor would have recommended physical therapy for you if he thought it would tear or reopen anything…”

She shrugged, glancing down at her lap before leaning back on the bed. “I’m just glad it’s over for today… that was torture.” She paused. “Thank you… for helping me off of the floor. And helping me walk.”

“I couldn’t just leave you there and I knew you weren’t gonna be able to do it on your own. It was the least I could do.” Though she could not see it, she could sense the forced, sympathetic smile he gave her as he sat down. Though she could not place it, something told her that another reason was involved.

A reason called guilt.

* * *

“Alright, your goal for today is to walk down this hall, reach the elevators, and then come back. Do you think you can do it?”

She was now three weeks into her physical therapy and seven weeks into her stay at the hospital. The trio stood in front of the doorway to her room, staring down the hall. She tried at her lower lip nervously before taking a deep breath and steeling her resolve. “Yes.”

The PT nurse nodded and motioned for Chanyeol to help her. “Take as much time as you need, alright? Don’t strain yourself.” He stood to her right, one hand on the small of her back and the other holding tightly to her right hand. “Ready?” She nodded and the two began shuffling along slowly. “Don’t try to rush it, okay? We can walk as slow as you need to. If you ever start to feel a little tired, you can just lean on me to take a break,” he murmured, encouraging and reassuring her. “I’m right here. You can do this.”

Once they were halfway down the hall, she felt the need to ask. “Why  _ are _  you here?” The question took the both of them by surprise, leaving an uncomfortable pause behind in its wake. Realising how surly the question must have sounded, she quickly added, “N-not that I don’t like that you’re here! It’s just… you’ve been here ever since I was admitted and even now, here you are, helping me walk down a hallway. You’re not obligated to be here at all—you’re not family, so you’re not even obligated to visit—and yet, you sleep on that unforgiving chair and stay up all night with me when I can’t sleep, or wake up in the middle of the  night to call a nurse for me, or buy any foods I’m craving, or have those nonsensical conversations with me—why do you choose to stay?”

He thought her question over carefully, coming to the conclusion that he could not answer with complete honesty without telling her the entire truth; he was far from ready to do so, still choosing to hide from his demons. Instead, he opted to beat around the bush, hiding the actual answer. “Well, I  _ am _  obligated. Your brother asked me to take care of you because your family is busy trying to put things back together after that whole fire fiasco… and I couldn’t imagine leaving you here for months all by yourself.”

“… So basically you’re saying you’re here because you pity me.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to protest this comment, but his mind was drawing a blank. A look of frustration settled on his face instead, becoming irritated with himself because of his lack of an answer. More than aware of this ever-growing silence and absence of retorts, she sighed, feeling her heart sink a little. “Sorry… that was really out of line for me to say, especially so suddenly like that. It’s okay if you are; I’m just glad you’re here. So thank you.”

“Y-yeah.” He replied with a forced smile, exposing a bit of teeth to reassure her of his false comfort. He knew that though she had tried to pass her sigh of as a release of exhaustion, it had been her way of signaling her disappointment. And it was this tiny, passive action that had his thoughts racing.

‘ _ How much of a selfish prick am I? I always knew in the back of my mind that I’m only here because I feel bad about what I did… that I’m doing this to make up for putting her in the hospital… she doesn’t need me around if all I ever do is pity her and baby her… I didn't realise I could be such an asshole... _ ’

She tilted her head curiously, sensing that her companion was in deep concentration and a distressed aura had been rolling off of his body. “Chanyeol? Is everything okay?” she asked, worry apparent in her tone. He groaned and they paused their walk as he let go of her, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes, rubbing them.

He was becoming increasingly upset with himself.

When she placed her hand on his upper arm then slid it up to his shoulder, he thought that she was trying to maintain her balance, but when she began rubbing his shoulder in clockwise circles, he realised she was trying to comfort him.

And it all served to push him deeper into his remorse.

“I’ve always said that you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to,” she pointed out, tilting her head up and hoping she was softly smiling in the right direction. “Just help me finish this walk, and then you can be on your way, okay?” Her palm traveled to his upper arm and she grasped it, waddling over so that she stood directly in front of him. Her hand then glided up so that her fingers wrapped around his wrist. Her other hand did the same to his other wrist so that she could gently pry his hands away from his face. “You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay here with me. Don’t worry about it. Now come on. The nurse is waiting.” She patted his shoulder before shuffling along again, Chanyeol in tow.

“This truth won’t make me think any less of you, you know. You can be honest with me, as we have been for the past three weeks. If I were stuck babysitting some severely injured girl who couldn’t do much of anything for herself, I’d be feeling sorry for her too. You’re fine, Chanyeol.”

It was at times like these that he wanted to blurt out the truth. To tell her about how he was the cause of her suffering and have her hate him. To let her know that it was because of him that she and her family had lost their home, as well as their hope.

He followed after her closely as she neared the elevators, giving her a weak cheer once her hand touched the closed doors. She grinned at his action, but it was faulty, as she could tell his heart was not in it. “Did you reach the elevators?” the PT nurse shouted down the hall. “Now start walking back!” She used the doors as leverage to steady herself again, standing up a little straighter now, determined to do this without a hitch.

Halfway there, she stumbled a bit, causing Chanyeol to suddenly grab hold of her before she could fall. With his hand on her back and his other arm reaching down, she knew what was coming next. “No!” she shouted at him, quickly shaking him off, her hobble becoming a little faster.

That was the first time she had ever denied his help, and the very idea of it left him frozen in place. He was snapped out of his shock when he heard the hollering of the two women, celebrating her success. When he approached the room, he could see that she was drenched in sweat, but looked as triumphant as ever.

“I did it! I did it!” She and the PT nurse shared a tight embrace as they squealed. “Miss Sumi, I did it!”

“Yes, yes you did! Don’t let this put a damper on your great mood, but your walking’s a  bit shaky and unstable, so you’ll need to use a cane from now on. But wow, I’m so proud of you!”

She pulled away and looked up, sensing that Chanyeol had joined them once again. “I… I did it, Chanyeol-sshi,” she murmured, her happiness subdued, smile slightly diminished.

Maybe she really did not need him after all.

* * *

He needed some time to sort out his feelings.

Following her suggestion, he took a day off from the hospital, staring up at the ceiling of this bedroom as he became lost in thought. Her accomplishment from the day before sent him reeling, had him questioning everything he was doing for her. Thinking about his {lack of a} reaction to her question only served to further dampen his mood; now the fact that he was merely doing all of this for her out of pity was out of the bag.

Or was it? This was the thought in question when he woke up this rainy morning.

Admittedly, he had been swaying toward that way of thinking when he first began staying with her, but as the days passed by, he was no longer so sure. Before the incident, Baekhyun’s sister was really just a face to a name, one that would take pictures of everything everywhere she went and occasionally ask them to participate in her latest photography projects; “Why go out and hunt for models when I have two perfectly good ones right here?”

He was still very unaware of the fact that her gaze would linger a few seconds longer than deemed normal on him before switching to her brother to plead.

But since then, as odd and slightly insensitive as it might sound, he began to see her like more of an actual person. In the span of just seven, almost eight weeks in the hospital, he had learned more about her then than he had in the ten years of being Baekhyun’s best friend. Seeing her at her worst and at her best had really made a difference in how he viewed her.

And seeing her smile in gratitude for his actions in spite of what he had done to put her in the hospital in the first place always crushed him.

Which had his thoughts trail; he knew he would have to tell her {and the rest of the Byun family, for that matter} the truth about what happened. Police investigations had not been fruitful and holding his tongue was slowly eating away at him with each day he did so. Though he was more than prepared for how her parents and her brother would react, he could not possibly fathom how she would take it; he did not know how to properly brace himself for what she would say or do.

All he really knew was that if she hated him for the rest of her life for it, it would kill him. But he had no right to feel this way; he deserved every little bit of hate she might possibly harbor for him once she knew the truth.

With thoughts in turmoil, Chanyeol groaned as he sat up, knees lifting as he ran a hand through mussed hair. He stared out of the uncovered window of his sixteenth floor apartment, the sounds of Seoul traffic rising up from below. The rain had faded out now, leaving the sky coloured a light gray. With a sigh, he pushed himself off of the bed, dragging himself to the bathroom and emerging bathed and brushed half an hour later. After getting dressed in jeans, a shirt, a sweater, and a scarf, he headed to his kitchen, preparing a cup of tea for himself.

This used to be his daily routine, sans the winter gear. And quite frankly, this routine did not feel as natural or fulfilling as it used to before he started staying with her.

He walked to the sliding door, pushing it open to step out into the brisk October chill, leaning over the guardrail of his patio to look out at the cityscape. ‘ _ Her room is at about this level and she can’t even see it… this is the kind of view she would have snapped a picture of… _ ’

There was never a moment where he could not think about her.

After finishing the tea, he returned inside to stick the cup in the dishwasher, pulling on his shoes and shrugging on his jacket once he reached the door. A walk by the Han River usually helped him sort out his thoughts.

His hands were shoved into the pockets of his coat as he walked along the path, paying no mind to passersby. He strolled slowly, cupping his hands together and containing a small flame in his palms whenever an unforgiving breeze would roll by. Being out in the open like this cleared out his thoughts a little, giving his mind room to breathe.

‘ _ She’s being discharged soon, right? I should ask if she’d like to join me once she’s out. I’m sure she missed everything about the city… _ ’ He smiled slightly at the thought, remembering the way she complained about she could not take pictures when she was trapped in that room all day during one of their casual conversations. To be honest, he was sure he missed her photos almost as much as she missed taking them. As annoying as it was to have to pose in a billion different ways or watch as she spent ten minutes on taking a picture of the same general landscape, he could not deny that the end result was always enchanting.

And he missed the way she would smile when she got the perfect shot.

Coming across the park, he duly noted that it was relatively empty at the moment, though the reason for that was easily explained by the fact that it was eight in the morning. He made his way toward the swings, seating himself down in one and holding onto the chains, staring out at the scenery. ‘ _ This is very picturesque as well… _ ’

“Do I pity her?” he mumbled to himself, finally facing the question he had originally come here to ask himself in the first place. He thought about the way he had treated her during the first few weeks of her stay, cringing as he remembered how he treated her like a child, becoming restrictive and being considerably unresponsive during her first few attempts at initiating a conversation.

But the PT nurse had been a catalyst in changing their strained relationship. After the first physical therapy session, both parties grew more animated with each passing day. Though Chanyeol had been very much hesitant about participating, in fear of being hurt more when he told her the truth, he could not keep himself reserved for long. She was unexpectedly charming and easy to talk to, despite the fact that he could tell she was still rather shy.

Whenever she would make a request, she would hold her breath, the words stuck on her tongue. Before, he would wait for a question that would never come, but he soon grew annoyed with this. Always taking her hand in his and rubbing it, he would spur her on, telling her to just ask him already. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, but I won’t know what you want until you tell me.”

He still did not understand why she would blush so brightly whenever he would speak those words to her.

‘ _ If I don’t, then why was I so ready to keep her from accomplishing her goal? _ ’ What occurred yesterday had been running through his mind since then; her reaction was what led him to take the day off in the first place. ‘ _ Does she really need me there? _ ’

{ _ “Chanyeol-sshi? Are you awake?” _

_ “Ah. And I thought I told you to drop the ‘-sshi’ already.” _

_ “Sorry. Sometimes I get a little unsure…” A pregnant pause fell between the two until she decided to continue. “Is… is it okay if I share my thoughts with you? I just have a lot on my mind right now… but it’s okay if you don’t want to hear them… I mean, they’re just my stupid thoughts, right? And it’s like two in the morning so I totally understand if you want to try and sleep goodness what am I saying why am I still pursuing this lemme just—” _

_ “Hey! It’s okay. Speak your mind. There’s no need to be so hesitant about it anymore.” His eyes were closed and the room was considerably dark, but he could still envision the blush that spread across her lightly scarred cheeks. “Share with me what’s going on in that head of yours.” _

_ She tried at her lower lip, adjusting herself so that she was lying on her side, facing him. “W-well… uhm… I know I’ve said this a million times already, but thank you for being here. For helping me. For everything.” He scowled at her words, the sounds leaving a sharp pain in his heart. ‘ If you knew how you ended up here in the first place, this would have been completely negated… ’ _

_ “My family can’t be here as often because they’re working on getting our lives back together, so I would be here alone if it weren’t for you… sorry I’m reiterating things you already know.” She chuckled nervously, glancing down at the sheets below her. “It’s just… I can’t imagine what it would have been like if you hadn’t stayed here with me the entire time. I don’t think I would have gotten as far as I did with Miss Sumi if it weren’t for you. Honestly, I don’t even think I’d have the drive to do any of it in the first place… you are my crutch, both physically and mentally. It’s because of you that I want to do my best and get out of here as soon as possible. I want us all to go back to our old lives, but… but with this new friendship intact. I know I’ve kept you from living your normal life for almost two months now, and I feel really guilty about that.” _

_ ‘ _ I wish I could tell you the reason why you’re not allowed to say these things. _ ’ _

_ “Hearing you read the cards I’ve gotten and having you get me outside food and receiving the little gifts you get me made me realise just how important you are to me… and how much I need you to be here.” Her face grew redder still, hoping he had fallen asleep at this point. “I know you’ve probably grown sick of my company, but I really can’t get enough of yours. On the nights you go home, I lie here for hours alone with my thoughts and a suffocating hopelessness lurking in my mind… but then you come back the next morning and… and everything just feels brighter. There’s no one else that makes me feel that way. So thank you, Chanyeol. Thank you for continuing to stay here with me, despite everything.” _

_ After pouring her heart out, she left a moment of silence in between the ramble and her next words. “You fell asleep during all of that, didn’t you?” She chortled with a small smirk, shaking her head. “Well, that’s alright. Thank you for listening for however long you could stay awake for.” _

_ Once her breathing steadied, Chanyeol opened his eyes, turning his head to see her figure outlined by the lights of the machines around her. With a tentative hand, he reached out, fingers running through the short, smooth length of hair she sported, smiling slightly when he heard her sigh in relaxation. “I heard everything, you know.” He chuckled under his breath, though the sound was tinged with sadness. _

_ Regret. _

_ “I know you probably won’t believe that you’re useful at all in your condition, but I think… I think I need you just as much as you need me.” _ }

Snapping out of the memory, he rocked back and forth on the swing a few times before getting to his feet, walking away from the park. ‘ _ Where’s the nearest flower shop? She likes petunias, right? … Wait, flowers aren’t allowed in the Burns unit… what about that giraffe plush she was always whining to Baek about getting…? _ ’

He did not pity her after all. Not anymore.

* * *

She sat by the window, jumping slightly in surprise when the window pane shook violently from the reverberation of thunder. ‘ _ We haven’t had a storm this bad in a while… I hope he’s safe inside somewhe— _ ’

She turned her head in the direction of the door when it swung open, hearing the squeak of wet sneakers against the tile. “… Chanyeol?”

“You’ve gotten really good at sensing who comes through this door. Anyway, come here. I have a gift for you.”

She rose slowly from her chair, grabbing the cane she had been given, limping over to him. Feeling a little sympathetic, he shorted the distance between them, grabbing her and setting her down on the bed and dropping the bag on the floor, laughing at the way she grimaced when she felt his drenched jacket. “Why are you back already? I thought you were taking the day off. And you’re soaked!” She wiped off her now-damp arm with her hand, the scowl set on her face.

“I was… but I changed my mind. Here, lemme get you a towel first. Luckily your gift didn’t get wet.”

“Get yourself a towel too!”

“No need.”

When he returned to standing directly in front of her, he handed her the towel, intentionally brushing the sleeve of his jacket against her forearm. “Wh-what the—how—” She immediately reached out, gaping unabashedly when she no longer felt a trace of water on his jacket. “How in the world—?”

“It’s better if you don’t question it.”

She left her jaw hanging open for a moment more before her teeth clicked to signal its shutting, head nodding. “So… so what did you get me?” she murmured slightly, swinging her legs as she looked up at him. “Ah, right.” He reached down and picked up the bag, placing it in her lap. He watched as she skimmed her hands up the sides of the bag to get a sense of how high it was, eyebrows lifting when she found it ended at about her collarbones. Reaching inside, her fingers gently brushed the insides of the bag, a curious look falling upon her face once she touched what she assumed was the gift. She grabbed hold of it and pulled it out, hands quick to decipher what it was.

‘ _ Hm… these feel like rounded horns or antennae… and a snout. And this feels like a long neck with a mane— _ ’ “Is this… oh my god, is this the giraffe plush I’ve wanted for the longest time now?”

“Who knows?”

He had expected her shock and heightened voice, but what he certainly did not expect was that she would stand up and hug him tightly. She rocked him back and forth gently, her face buried in his chest. It took him a moment to realise he was supposed to reciprocate the action, mechanically lifting his arms before awkwardly wrapping them around her tiny torso, hands hesitantly resting on her lower back. He breathed a bit easier once she finally let go, her hands searching behind her so that she fell back onto the bed and not the floor.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she brought the giraffe’s snout to her face, shielding herself and her ever-growing blush away from him. “Uhm… the… the doctor… came by about an hour ago…”

During the subsequent silence, Chanyeol went to grab his chair, pulling it up to the edge of the bed. He could tell she had more to say, taking that moment to place her hand in his and rub the back of it, signifying that he was ready to listen whenever she wanted to speak. After a deep breath or two, she glanced down at her lap, lips parting.

“The… the doctor said that they would be taking off my bandages for good… at least, the ones covering my second-degree burns. The third-degree ones will just be replaced, and I’ll be discharged a few days after that.” Her hold on the giraffe was fixed, face hidden away in its fur as she mumbled, “And I… I want you to be there… for the unveiling.”

“Are you sure about that?” he replied almost immediately, anxiety creasing his forehead. “I mean, when they do that, that means they’ll expose  _ everything _ … wouldn’t it be better if your brother or pare—?”

“Maybe. But I don’t want anyone else there but you,” she whispered, her voice so gentle and muffled, he almost missed her response entirely. As he chewed at the corner of his mouth, she added, “I-It was just a request… if you really don’t want to be here when they do it—”

“I’ll be here.”

She could sense his reluctance about accepting her proposition, but she was still incredibly grateful all the same. “I… I’m sorry. I basically just forced this on you and I can tell you really don’t want to… my body’s going to be so scarred and hideous once they come off… who wants to see that, right?” She laughed weakly and without humor, her voice having cracked. “It’s the kind of thing you’d have nightmares about…”

“No.” The kinds of things he had nightmares about was the memory of her screams as the building went up on flames, the realisation that his actions had almost killed her slamming into him like a brick wall. “No, don’t say that. Regardless of whether I wanted to see it or not, you need someone to be here for you, and if I’m the only one you want to stay with you for it, then I will. If my being with you makes your stay just a little bit easier, then… then anything I have to do for you is more than worth it.” ‘ _ If it’s even remotely close to making up for everything that I’ve put you through, it is more than worth it _ .’

He could not see it, but the faintest of smiles tugged at her lips, the smallest hint of hope blooming in her chest.

* * *

“Breathe.”

Everything about her body screamed “fear.” Her shoulders were tense as she clutched the giraffe to her bosom as though her life depended on it, constricting it as her face was hidden in the soft, comforting cotton.

“Everything will be fine, okay?” Chanyeol rubbed at her arm in small, counter-clockwise circles. “Remember, I’m here.” Though she nodded in response to his words, nothing about her posture or her aura had made a significant change; she seemed to have shrunken away from his touch.

A few minutes later, a nurse walked in, greeting the pair and introducing herself. “From the looks of it, you two are ready to get this over with. Especially her.” When both pairs of eyes fell onto the figure cowering on the bed, she shrank away further, whimpering softly. He sighed, removing his hand from her arm and rubbing his forehead instead.

“Though I’m sure this won’t help you feel any better about this, I’m obligated to warn you: this will not be a very pleasant experience. The bandages will stick to your skin like a vice, so I’ll have to pull with quite a bit of force. Believe it or not, it hurts less when I rip it off quickly than if I was to peel it off slowly. So I apologise in advance for this, alright?”

Another silent nod.

He took this moment to pry her hand away from the plush and coax it into his, holding it firmly in place. “If it gets to be too much, just squeeze my hand. Crush it if you have to.” Though she did not reply to him, he felt her return his grip.

“If I can just take that giraffe off of your hands… thank you.” After setting it down, she pulled on a pair of gloves, rubbing her hands together. “Are you ready?”

With a meek “yes,” the nurse pulled off the bedsheet covering her legs, beginning with the bandages there first. Finding the start of the one around her right calf, she unraveled them slowly until she met resistance. “Deep breath.”

The blood-curdling scream that resonated throughout the room was instantaneous, as well as the crushing grip around Chanyeol’s hand. His face grew pale from the shriek, unsure of how long he was going to be able to last when there were still eight other bandages to go.

‘ _ You have to do this. You’re doing this for her. You did this to her after all. _ ’

Throughout the whole ordeal, the nurse remained virtually unfazed, only cringing slightly from the sharp cries of pain that pierced her ears. Once she started unraveling the bandages at her torso, Chanyeol glanced away bashfully, though he maintained his hold on the hand of the girl who suffered. “We’re nearly done,” the nurse murmured soothingly as she took a small break, frowning in sympathy for the girl. “I promise it won’t be that much longer.”

With the last bandage around her eyes remaining, she was a sobbing, sniveling mess, her pain receptors exemplifying their anger in how vividly red her skin had become; Chanyeol’s hand reflected that pain, as it was equally as red from withstanding her grip. “This is the last one, right?” she whispered, voice hoarse and broken from her continuous screams.

“Yes, my dear. The last one. This one shouldn’t hurt so much, if at all.” She nodded, her deep breath shaky as she steeled herself for it.

The nurse took her time with the last wrapping, the cloth practically falling away from her skin and onto her lap, revealing the part of her face that had been hidden away for months.

And it was now that Chanyeol truly had to face the gravity of his actions; he had to face the reality of how he had robbed her of what she needed the most.

Once she could feel that the bandages were no longer around her eyes, she pulled her hand away from his, using both to feel at the area before her eyelids fluttered open. He, with his head already turned away, shut his eyes tight, awaiting her inevitable reaction.

“You… you pulled off the bandages, right? And my eyelids are open, right?” The nurse nodded, her heart heavy as she vocalized a “yes” for her. “Then… th-then… why is it that I… I still can’t see?”

With tears flowing down her cheeks, she asked the question she already knew the answer to, heartbroken wails permeating the room upon the nurse’s reply.

“Your eyes… had to be removed. I’m so sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> [personal twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lesimperatrices)  
> 


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